TRIBUTE TO THE GREATEST WOMAN OF MY LIFE

We knew each other in 1990 as students in the same class in same school. Then we never thought we would make our life together for a long time. I wish I have you with me now but I am sure I would not write this story if you were here because as a normal common man, I must not have felt your importance the way I am feeling now. But I think that’s normal and I know you would never mind for not giving you much importance. But I have no shame in confessing you now, that my life without you for the last twenty-four months have been not quite normal. Sadness dominated happiness, inconveniences fared better than conveniences, failures took over successes, losses made better than profits, more inhumanely things happened than humane ones, got salt where sugar was required, and the list is infinite.

The lady that mattered most to me

Without you, the house is empty, and I still don’t want to return home after going out for my official errands. I don’t think I have a home now. I just don’t. I feel it so difficult to put the mess of your absence into order like you left me yesterday although it is (exactly) already 24 months today. I see no reason for you to leave me at this stage of life. I really don’t see the reason. Thank you John P. Read for writing the following poem for me, it gives me such a pleasure.

“I still say I love you

But there is no reply.

I always feel your presence

As if you never left my side.

I remember your comforting voice.

Now there is not a sound.

Only echoes from the past

Follow me around.

You are always by my side

But I can’t hold your hand.

The reason why God took you

I find hard to understand.

Summer days seem much shorter.

Dark nights just linger on.

Dreams turn into nightmares

When the one you love has gone.

But real love never fades.

It still burns like the sun.

Although they are far away.

Those memories go on and on.

Her spirit will never die.

It shines like the stars.

I know you are sleeping in heaven.

But you are living in my heart.”

And yes, as you asked, I have kept your girls at the school you wanted them to study. I am doing your anniversary ceremonies at the place you want me to do. My love for you hasn’t changed although you are not around. Love does not die. Love is not like us who die for sure at some of point of time in life.

JACSON DRUKPA AS PERSON

I am a naturalist and my understanding about life surrounds around nature. It is easier for me to know when trees shed their leaves and when wild animals breed for speciation to continue than other things in life. Thus, outside nature what I write is all amateurish and they don’t necessarily make greater sense. However, if any one ever read this note, it is about how Jackson Drukpa is better than many others in the political fray or in the affairs of human life. This guy intrigues me beyond my subjects which I seriously studied at the training Institutes, Colleges and Universities. As such, I find him very interesting and enterprising. I for one would not mind giving him a chance to be politician at whatever levels, the national council, national assembly, Throemdheys or even the local government. However, to keep away critics who might suspect my connection with him and who might assume that I am popularizing Jackson Drukpa, I wish to clarify three things.

First, the readers of this very article must understand that Jackson Drukpa is not my close friend or a relative. We first met at Kolkata when both of our wives had to undergo treatment at the same hospital and attended to our wives together, shared meals and stayed in the same (building for once) colony in the neighbourhood apartments. When people suffer, we get to see their true colours and it is down there that I saw the guy to be really big-hearted, complementary, persevering, helpful and hard working. He does not see class, levels and boundaries in the society where more respect is given to people with wealth, position and good looks. Therefore, what I write about him is not to promote him, neither to make him famous, which he already thinks he is, and I believe he is, but to note what type of person he is by calling spade a spade. This note will also serve as a record about how I feel about him. It is simple and straight forward. I just want to record what I feel about him, nothing more.

Secondly, Jackson does not make any sense to many as much as to Election Commission of Bhutan who had to reject his party registration. If many don’t see him credible, then why would I? However, I must confess that by looking at his activities, he is one guy with lots of humanely ideas. Have a closer look. It is worth seeing him in detail. What he thinks is pure and serene. No one can instigate or manipulate his thoughts. We should be looking at him as a social leader if it is not about political leadership. When we put up together down there in the same building at the Kolkata's New Town’s Soosoo Gardens, he and his wife moved out to a next building which was bit cheaper than the one we put together with the same facilities. Not because they could not afford but Jackson was perhaps exploring better place for his wife at reasonable rates. Besides, I saw him visiting all the sick people living around the hospital on rented apartments and the supposedly Guest House provided by some kind rich people but not worth living with diseases that are already life threatening. I remember him lamenting the kind of rooms many of our sick people were putting in and was regretting about his inability to support them although he wanted to. He would often buy few edible things for the sick people and escorts and visit them as and when his wife allowed him to move out. He once told me that he would like to run a charity home down there for terminally ill people from Bhutan. But without resources, his idea has remained a dream. I wish someone takes his idea seriously. If I had authority to certify how humane people are, I would first certify Jackson Drukpa and I mean it. I have seen him well through the problematic phase of his life and I saw such a nice person in him. I know I have no bragging rights about him, and I don’t mind even if you (my readers) don’t believe me like many of you who can’t believe Jackson Drukpa and even try to stop him from forming a political party, an infringement to his basic rights to go ahead with whatever one can within the constitutional framework. Some people criticize him heavily in the social media and I see him giving befitting replies. 

Thirdly, besides my admiration for his humanely actions and thoughts, I am not his fan at all and readers of this note (if any) must not connect me to him and conclude that we are friends and that positive things are being written about him to make him popular. Further, I do not intend to cling to his popularity (he believes he is popular and rightly so) for any gain of sort. I just want to put things straight and express what I feel about him after thorough scrutiny about what he is doing as a common citizen. It is worth mentioning here that I have seen many people following his posts in the social media which vividly indicate he has followers, either good or bad. Good followers alone is not good, we need even the bad followers. So, Jackson moves on.

Jackson Drukpa aka Chheku Drukpa

With this background, let me give a few reasons why Jackson Drukpa must be given a chance to be a political or social leader. For the sake of introduction, Jackson studied bachelor’s in civil engineering from Motilal Nehru Engineering College in India and Masters in Transportation Engineering at Asian Institute of Technology, Thailand. Otherwise, I don’t think I should write his biography since everything about him is available online, free and transparent. I must rather focus on what type of person he is. 

He is very much one of us, common, simple and down to earth. Thus, trying him for a leadership wouldn’t be a mistake any way. He has everything (quality, qualification and interest) required to enter politics, including the humane factor which is more important than other conditions. However, his modern approach to politics seem to receive only a lukewarm support due to the classical and medieval outlook of most of the people here. Otherwise, Bhutan can seriously experiment him. Coming from a small village in Nanong, then Trashigang but now Pema Gatshel due to political delimitation boundaries, Jackson Drukpa knows what things happen in the remote villages like many of us who belong to rural Bhutan. So, he understands what to do where, why and how. Why shouldn’t we try him for once and let him be a leader. We should put him in the centre and test or taste him at least once. Who knows he might give us the best. He talks so. 

One important aspect of the guy is seriously trying to form a political party. He wrote the party charter all alone and sought the opinion of the people interested in his ideas through the social media. Even naming of the party was done through votes in the Facebook. When an individual with a different dream like him can do all these, I see no reason for us not to support his maverick ideas. He worked day and night to establish a dream political party while most of us did not give a serious thought other than a handful of youths who saw some vision in his political ideas. All the while, we must remember that he did all his party stuff without any funding which is another aspect of man with determination who see some scope to bring changes in the society. Do we have reasons not to put him in the forefront?

Ask him about why he wants to have a new party while he can very well join an existing party and represent his constituency. He will tell you that his party idea is different from others and that other parties are not his like. And we know for every major issue, be it unemployment, pledges of political parties, international issues, development, education, etc., he has something unique and prompt to comment and challenge the decisions with good reasons. To confirm what I mean in this paragraph about how he challenges certain decisions of the government body or institutions, you can follow his timeline in Facebook which he uses as platform to express his displeasure and pleasantries. To be brutally honest, I find his arguments reasonable every time he puts forth. Thus, Bhutan can give a thought about this guy in the coming years.

He sings in the Drayangs, Karaokes in the Entertainment Halls, dances on the roads and people seem to judge him. Many classic people think that the leaders should not do such things, but he thinks otherwise. He once told me that he lives on his own terms; free, relaxing and impromptu  and not under anyone’s compulsion. He really believes in letting people do what they like. That’s why he sings songs composed by himself or that of others with passion and we can see him doing from time to time in the social media, Entertainment Places and homes. And I think he is right. Why shouldn’t a leader sing a song, dance or compose raps and show them out in the media? Are the leaders not human beings? I see some people making fun of him in the media when he posts video recordings of himself with Drayang and entertaining girls as if the girls there have no human dignity. What if you are the girls working there? Let’s have some respects to the struggling girls who work in Drayang and let’s help them be better like Jackson does from time to time by visiting them. Let’s just not look down at them. I strongly feel that if we have twenty percent of the population thinking like Jackson, Bhutan would be different. Therefore, let’s try Jackson in the near future.

Of many discussions about Jackson Drukpa in the social media, one thing about how and why he is so handsome caught my attention. Many youths seem to like him by the way they are following him. However, we must agree that like any normal people like you and me, he has his own limitations, weaknesses and strengths. I think that’s absolutely normal. He enjoys everything normal people enjoy (I hope he will not beat me up) and of course talks a lot about his party pledges, failures and successes and about all his popular ideas. Looks like a good number of opposite gender dream about sleeping with him (hahaha, he will surely beat me) stealthily and sneakily since he has wife (this is with light heart and is not at all true).  He is of course not a Bachelor. Jokes aside, as much as people find him handsome, his ideas and thoughts are handsome. So, where is the question of not supporting the guy in the near future.

A week ago, I landed up at his second home below the Clock Tower with my friends. As friends we were there to see him and request him not to go too much social in his Facebook pages and others with his new ideas that do not go well with classical senior citizens. But it turned out otherwise, he scolded and clearly told us not to intervene with what he is doing. He told us to mind our business and we had to shut our mouths. But under the influence of some drinks, one of our friends reminded him of how he did not respond to calls and how he remained low when his party was denied registration. Seriously though, we know he took the case to the courts for denying registration. Whatever it is, I tell you he is more humane than many of us. I see this in him. So, let's go with him next.

After few rounds of whiskey, I could not resist my closing eyes and fell asleep on the floor where he sits, sings and posts few things and I realized only when the future prime minister of Bhutan pushing under my head a pillow and covering the rest of body with his gho as quilt. Since where we visited is his second home where he works, nothing better can be expected. He is humane.

This is Jackson Drukpa I know, and he should be tried as our leader since he talks all positive about anything. Let us try him in the future. There are no reasons not to support him... let us go!

 

Disclaimer

This is my personal thought and anything written here is not intended to harm or promote people or things mentioned here. No one is authorized to use the content of this blog for either official or private purpose or to make legal claims on the contents herein. People mentioned here in are fictitious characters and any resemblance to anyone with some characters or more are purely coincidence.

LIFE IN NUTSHELL

Marcus Aurelius once said, “it’s not death that we should fear, we should fear never beginning to live.” When we die, our life line does this (Figure 1). When we are alive our life line does this (Figure 2). 

 Figure 1. Straight Line, an image of things not moving ahead. You are dead.

Figure 2. Image of a zigzag line exhibiting your movement. You are living.

Notice how that connects with our real experience of life. Life is full of ups and downs, it means you are alive. Twists and turns, love and loss, happiness and sadness, success and failure. We experience extreme highs, peaks and summits. And at the same time experience the troughs, the lows and submit. Life is kind of like one big crazy roller coaster. Starts slowly, fill you with anticipation and curiosity, takes you up and then sends you flying down only to rise up quickly, again. We laugh until it hurts, we cry inside a little, experience a few moments where we want it to stop and hope it’s all over, but it just keeps going (Figure 2). 

We somehow think that success is linear, an upward line; there is literally no case study for that. Everyone we admire has ups and downs. Your body mostly replaces itself every seven to fifteen years. The organs that work the hardest have the fastest changeover. You get a whole new skin every two to four weeks. Your red blood cells last less than half a year. And your liver renews itself at least once every couple of years. 

The universe is always changing, we are always changing, but we want to remain the same. We settle for security, not recognizing that flat life line means we are dead. Real life is ups and downs (Figure 2, zigzag lines), death looks like this (Figure 1, a straight line). Every time I see that (Figure 1) I remind myself this is (Figure 2, zigzag line) living, (image of straight line, Figure 1) this isn’t. In the journey of life, we pass pleasure and pain. There will be sunshine and rain, there will be loss and gain. But we must learn to move forward again and again. Don’t judge the moment. Don’t try to hang on, because it will keep pushing you forward. 

And remember, this morning if you are healthy you are happier than one million people that will not survive this week. If there is food in your fridge, shoes on your feet, clothes on your body, a bed to sleep on and a roof over your head, you are richer than seventy five percent of people in the world. And if you have bank account, money in your wallet, or a purse, or coins in a jar, you are in the top eight percent of the world’s wealthiest. We cannot avoid the ups and downs, but we can change the way we see them. Because as Wayne Dyer said, “when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”

And take this from me (Figure 3), I believe this very strongly. But I fear nothing including the deadly death. I have the guts to say you are wrong if you are and I believe in myself the way you believe.

Figure 3. Image of a Don, who believes whatever is said in the Sarah Snow narrative.

CONFUSED, PERPLEXED AND BEFUDDLED ARE ALL SYNONYMS

In rich English language there is an idiom by the phrase “at sixes and sevens” and it is used to express the confused state of a person, office, institution, organizations, groups, etc. It also means that some things are not in order or things are in disarray. Sometimes I get a feeling that I am too confused. But I hope it is not the case of being at sixes and sevens. I can decide few things and I can stop or start few things. There are many minds in one body. One mind tries to do things while the other tries to stop or give new ideas. At times, it is the content of the traditional song Tshering Changmey Tsela, “I could have gone looking for Dharma if I did not have my old parents” and “it is for the kids that I am not looking towards the hermitages. For a humanely soul, the kids are priority is what I have seen and what exactly is happening with an individual like me too.

Figure 1. Confused. What more?

Sometimes, the concept of “life is short make the best out of it” come into your mind but it is even unfair for you to follow that since you have stakeholders who are struggling but have played a vital role in your life as you grow and those who are growing with lots of hope. Being mindful of all these small but important things is vital too. So, “leaving your people you cannot move away in search of peace” applicable phrase from the old song Tshering Changmey Tsela. Thus, you cannot get out of the net of Samsara even if you are fully aware and even if that’s doable. So, be there.

Losing your partner at this age is confusing. I am realizing that my wife left me at the wrong time. All the time, it is company that you need at home and places you go. Once your partner is not around that also after so many years of togetherness, it is devastating. For quite a number of days and weeks you would be waiting for her calls from home when you are on long distance duty and long days travels. You miss her a lot for the first one year and it goes on. It is at this juncture that you feel like having a replacement, but unfortunate, it is not like replacing a torn shoe or an old shirt with new one. There are complex situations. That you cannot get someone like your late wife is confirmed but it is also fixed that the new one will have her share of demands like having kids, house to live, a good car to drive and many more. The question here is “are you prepared for all such things at this time?” Can you manage the new cycle of visible Samsara? This situation is called luan qi ba zao in Chinese, meaning messy and confusing. Had she left me a bit later, it could have been easier for me to handle the situation. It is not too good to mention this, but I must confess that sometimes even the physical demand is fixing you up😂😂😂. It is wrong to lose a partner at this age and you realize that all these confusions have come out of her absence. I just wish that there are no physical demands, no mental stress, no mind to recall things. But complex humans have complex arrangement in the brain. Thus, there is no hope that things will get better in the mind although you work very hard to change your things post the disastrous demise of your partner. 

I see a sixty-year-old man holding a lady whose age is less than half his. I see many veterans having arm candies at teens and these worldly things sometimes give you a feeling “I am just in forties, why can’t I have one like them.” But at what cost? It's not money, not wealth but your happiness and peace. Will the partner carry me till the end? What if the same thing happen to her like the first one? Will she mind from inside her heart and soul if I land up in troubles? Or is it for killing the time that she is seeking my company or is it that she is wanting some luxuries that I cannot provide? Lots of questions which may have answers but undesirable ones. And these things thoroughly confuse me. Makes me lost. Unsure. Puzzled. Baffled.

Further, as it must, we have people in between who want to suggest things and put you in an al tres y al cuatro situation, the Chilean expression for a person thoroughly confused by direct or indirect advises from various seniors and peers with mostly good intents but which might lead to no where. Their advice can be good as well as bad. Some of my good friends want me to have a partner who is soft, sober and kind so that I can face aging (together with her), the sure thing that's happening while another set of my very good friends think I should not go for another unison since I am already through more than half of my total living hours😂😂😂. In this type of scenario, it is hard to move further as I am unable to see the road ahead triggered by confusions. Many a times you feel it necessary to have a company but quite often you get a feeling of not needing one, clearly indicating the vast state of my confusion.

I am into the second year without a partner and I have learned lessons not many have learnt. Being a simple and straight forward individual, it never occurred to me that such things will cross my life. But it did and gave me a message for life. When your good partner is gone, it is like losing half of yourself. Everything embraces shambles. The house is in complete chaos. Children are scattered. No one can do much to support you. They don't owe you much.  They have their own struggles. You have to face your own situations. The best way is to get rid of confusion if that's possible but you can't. You stay confused.

You become aloof and do not want to hear much from others. The situation is sitta u sitta, tnax which in Maltese language means aloof and has no idea what’s going on. I but hope that at least I know what’s happening. My children wanted to study in a school very far away from me, I agreed. They do not want me to see with another partner, agreed. They want to be with their maternal grand parents and cousins, agreed. Everything agreed. I am told they are happy. If they are happy I am happy. After all, they are the only ones that matter to me. I hope that they realize what they must do. A dad can provide whatever they want but cannot quite force them what to do. The only thing that I am not confused with is to provide my girls what they want and reach them wherever they want to go. Otherwise, the situation is like, confused at what to do, lost at where to do, undecided at how to do and unsure at when to do. A hell lot of confusions.

The easiest thing in the world is eating, defecating and drinking and everyone can do these without much ado. But for me the situation is different. I get easily confused. It is like "what am I doing?" Where do I start again? How do I do it once more. Would it benefit me and my people. Baffled. THOROUGH CONFUSION.

WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?

I can’t fix someone for my problems. Thus, it must be me and my stakeholders including my late wife for such a situation – no difference between right and wrong. Everyone has a situation. Everyone has problem but not like mine. Whatever it is, I must own the mistake, I must.

I never share my problem with anyone and I will never do it. I don't want them to be solved by others. Even if I have my leg hanging out of a cut I will not share my problem. But writing in this blog relieves me of my stress and I am sure not many will come and see me here. So, I assume that I am free.

THOROUGHLY CONFUSED

Disclaimer

This is my personal thought and anything written here is not intended to harm or promote people or things mentioned here. No one is authorized to use the content of this blog for either personal or private purpose. People mentioned here in are fictitious characters and any resemblance to anyone with some characters or more are purely coincidence.